martha

We had the reading about Martha and Mary today. I drifted off into my own little thought bubble...
Martha was probably the older sister, and as the oldest female in the household, the responsibility for caring for others would have largely fallen to her. This still happens today.
It struck me for the first time there is a surprising contradiction between Martha the practical, the organized and the Martha who has to spend all her time getting the food ready while guests are present. Surely if she'd planned to invite Jesus, she'd have had something prepared? So her invitation was probably a spur of the moment thing. I wonder if the conversation went something like this:
M: So, Jesus, would you like to come back to our house and have a bite to eat?
J: That's very kind of you. We'd all love to come...
M (thinks): aaargh! I thought I was just inviting Jesus! It's too embarrassing to try to explain. I'll just have to do the best I can. But what on earth can I give them? I've got an extra 12 mouths to feed and it's not as if I can just nip out to the supermarket or get a takeaway...

off God...

Not posted for a while, partially due to other things (being busy and then a week's holiday), but mostly because I'm having an "off God" spell.
During such spells I still talk to God, but it goes under the classification of 'muttering at God' (MAG for short) rather than prayer. The whole point of MaGs is to allow me to delude myself into thinking I'm still communicating with God, while simultaneously ignoring Him.
You mean you've never heard one of those conversations where both people take it in turns to talk, but neither actually listens to what the other is saying? Although, presumably God still listens to my drivel...
Why am I off God? Partly it's just the way I am - I tend to go through cycles of being very intense and then not being particularly bothered. And, partly, I suspect, because I'm working on my current module: the Pentateuch. It has to be said that on just reading it all straight through, God really does not come out of it very well. I think 'genocidal megalomaniac' was the phrase MrPM used... There are bits where God does appear to be a kid having a tantrum who is going to take his ball home if he doesn't get his way ;-)

So what do I do about it? Being aware of it is a start. I'm arranging to meet up with a friend to pray (a proper pray involving vulnerability and listening to God) - not that I want to, but I know I need to. Said friend knows me well enough to hold me to account and not let me get away with stuff. And then, I go and read some fiction to get back to focussing on Jesus - probably the Penelope Wilcock 'The Hawk and the Dove' trilogy. Or the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Both still makes me cry, despite having read them loads of times.