hmmm

So having been whinging about some of the problems of being a pastor's wife, I now have a new set of problems, as I am now an ex-pastor's wife. It's amazing how suddenly you become persona non grata.
So now we start looking for somewhere to live, somewhere to worship, trying to work out what on earth happens next.
Unfortunately it's not as simple as hubby simply moving on to another church. He now joins the ranks of the unemployed.

Oh well, off for a holiday tomorrow (booked ages ago). It will be good to be physically somewhere different.

And every time I start feeling sorry for myself, I try to remember that there are people DYING for their faith across the world.

confused...

Things keep seeming very black.
I try to hold on to God.
Then they get worse.
At which point I give up.
Then God does something.
So a glimmer of hope returns (along with the guilt for doubting).
Then something else happens, and the darkness returns, even stronger.


Right now I have no idea what is going on. I can only hope God keeps a firm hold of us despite everything.

rug-less

The rug has been pulled out from under us.
We have no choice.
We can't disagree, because that would show insufficient humility and therefore prove we're not fit to be in ministry.

Looks like I got my wish of not having to go to church ever again. I should have remembered "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true"

that was just a temporary blip....

This is probably going to be the worst Easter I have experienced.
Church mess continues. One of the leaders seems to be deliberately setting hubby up to fail, and then taking great delight in pointing out all his faults in such a way that he takes the rap.
I have to be at services tonight and Sunday morning as I am the pianist.
Another Saturday church prayer meeting at 9am (9am!!! and hubby's day off!!!) to pray about the future of the church. Not much in the way of listening to God has happened so far at any of these.
Oh, and we have just been informed about a meeting with various other people next week. Do not understand the purpose of the meeting (certainly not from the composition of people involved)or why it is happening. Suffice it to say that we have been told not to discuss it with anyone, and our future here looks extremely uncertain.

And in all of this, who gives us any support? We are both on antidepressants, both having counselling (but the counsellors are off on holiday for the next 2 weeks) and have been told not to talk about it to anyone.

I really really wish I didn't follow a God who got crucified and then told me to follow him.
I wish I wasn't the pastor's wife and could just leave and never go near a church again.

something to smile about!

I've been reading back over this blog, and it strikes me it's pretty depressing. But there's a ray of hope...
Someone who has been coming to our church for a couple of years decided to commit their life to following Jesus. Which is brilliant :-)
But even more brilliant (from my perspective) is that they told mr pastasmissus that his preaching had really helped them to get to that point :-)
So mr pastasmissus has been bouncing around with random outbursts of 'God's amazing!' or equivalent and feels this is God confirming that we should stay here, despite the rubbish that's been going on.

Me, I think God is pretty amazing too!!! :-))))

censorship

My husband used to have a blog. It was open to anyone to read. His name was on it, so he was extremely careful in what he put on it. It appears this isn't enough.
Some of the church leadership accused him of using it to try to divide the church. They also complained he was putting inappropriate things on it (although what exactly those things were does not seem to have been explained).
So now he no longer has a blog.

I am extremely annoyed by this. I think of all the things he COULD have said (and didn't) about what has been happening, and the extremely unChristian behaviour that has been going on. I also think of all the efforts he has made towards reconciliation with the leaders, none of which have been taken up.
And I am extremely angry that it seems that no-one can hold the church leadership to account for making our lives hell for the past year. That they can slander my husband and get away with it. And that it has now got to a point where if he says something, it is twisted into meaning something completely different. If he said the opposite, that would be just as bad. And if he said nothing, that would prove he doesn't care. In short, it doesn't matter what he does, as far as the leadership is concerned, it's wrong.

Cleaning the oven....

Yesterday we cleaned the oven. Not a big deal, you might think. You hadn't seen it. The bottom was covered in black welded-on bits of unrecognisable charcoal that had once been food (probably mostly cheese which has an amazing tendency to leap off the side of the pizza).
To be honest, I hate housework. The only time it gets done is just before people are coming round. And my husband isn't any more fond of it than I am. Hence the state of the oven, which hadn't been cleaned for ** months (no, I'm NOT going to put in the true number!).
So, having bought the industrial-strength oven cleaning stuff, we finally worked out a night when we wouldn't be using the oven. I duly applied the foam, and then left it to work its magic. Except you're supposed to clean it off after 2 hours, and I forgot until 4 hours later. I was half afraid it might have burnt a hole through the bottom of the oven, but it hadn't. Despite the claims on the can, it hadn't removed all the gunge either. Nothing for it but to try again. And again, I forgot when it was time. This time, hubby remembered after 3 hours, and volunteered to remove the debris.
So now the oven is considerably cleaner than before, but still has various charcoal additions which don't want to come off...

It got me thinking. How much rubbish do I carry around with me that eventually becomes so stuck that it's almost impossible for God to remove? Why don't I have a good clean out more often when I know things are easier to deal with before they become cemented on?
And how can I persuade someone else to do the housework? ;-)