1 step forward, 2 back

Well, this forgiveness business seems to be a case of 1 step forward, 2 back. Just when I think things are under control and I am managing to forgive the people concerned, something happens and I realise the hurt and feeling of injustice is still there. I suppose that's inevitable given that the situation is ongoing. But it had never occurred to me before that when Jesus said to forgive 70 times 7, it might refer to a single event. That a daily decision (sometimes an hourly decision) to forgive may be required. That forgiving is an ongoing recurrent repeated decision.
Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever heard that passage preached that way. The preachers I've heard seem to think forgiveness is a one-off event, that once you forgive, you automatically forget. Therefore the forgiving 70 times 7 refers to different events.

Currently, I'm still trying to forgive a particular episode. Only another 484 times to go ;-)

Forgiveness part 2

A story..... (with apologies to Matt 18:23-28)

Once there was a king who decided to check on his servants' accounts. He had just begun to do so when one of tem was brought in who owed him millions of pounds. The servant did not have enough to pay his debt, so the king ordered him to be sold as a slave, with his wife and children and all that he had, in order to pay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before the king. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay you everything!'. The king felt sorry for him, so he forgave him the debt and let him go.
Then this man went out and met one of his fellow-servants who owed him a few pounds. 'Pay me back what you owe me,' he said.
But the other servant said 'I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't owe you anything. I don't need to make any kind of restitution to you, because there's no reason to. If you think there is, you're mistaken and it's your problem, not mine.'

so what happens next?
does the forgiven servant forgive?
do they demand justice?
do they just give up, as they're obviously not going to get anywhere, so what's the point?

Forgiveness part 1

Forgiveness has become a very important issue recently. Not just for myself, but for some of my close friends too (for different reasons).
So - are there different levels of forgiveness? Are some easier than others?

I've been thinking about this alot.
It seems that 'small' hurts are easier to forgive than 'big' hurts.
Hurts that I see as accidental are easier to forgive than those I see as deliberate.
It's easier to forgive if there's an apology (or at least an acknowledgement of the hurt).

So how do you forgive someone who has hurt you repeatedly and deeply, who will not acknowledge it, and you have to keep seeing regularly?

That is the killer question my friends and I are struggling with at present. Answers on a postcard please....

Another New Year's resolution broken...

New Year - why do I bother making resolutions when I know I'll break them? You'd think that I would have learnt by now, but no, I do the same thing every year. I don't think I've ever made it as far as February, but even so, this year's must be some kind of record. And it wasn't that difficult a resolution to keep....

And you'll think it even worse when you know what it was ....

So what was this year's resolution?

To have a 'quiet time' and read the bible every day.
What???? I don't do that already? But I'm a pastor's wife!

I know, I know.
For those of you who have no idea what I'm on about, a 'quiet time' is a time you deliberately set aside to pray and read the bible. In the evangelical circles I grew up in, it was considered essential - to the extent that it was doubtful that you were really a Christian if you didn't have one every day. It could last 5-30 minutes, and it didn't really matter if you got nothing out of it, as long as you did it.
Being a somewhat rebellious sort, I have never done this. That's not saying I haven't read the bible - I have - all of it! It's not saying I don't pray - I do, every day.

But for some reason I thought that maybe I should try reading the bible more regularly this year.
I was organised - I got a set of bible reading notes written by Jeff Lucas, whose stuff I find funny, authentic and insightful. I had my bible by my bed (although it usually lives there, gathering dust). I even managed to do the first one - which was for the whole weekend.
Then came Monday. I had an extremely demanding day at work, compounded by having a longer shift than normal (because it was a public holiday), and a drive home in the snow. So by the time I got home it was late, I was tired and bed was calling. 'Goodnight God' was the extent of my quiet time.

And so another resolution got broken....

Something new for the new year

Having been reading various blogs for a while now, I thought I might try starting one. I've no idea how this will turn out, but here goes....

First of all, apologies for being anonymous, but being identifiable would potentially cause alot of problems (not least for my husband!). So - I'm married to a minister of religion. That's something which brings its own frustrations and limitations. I'm sure these differ from denomination to denomination, but equally there must be alot of issues in common.

So I'm hoping this blog will be a space to explore some "God-stuff" and maybe even get some feedback!

Oh, and the views I express are not necessarily shared by my husband. I do actually have a brain of my own, and I'm not scared to use it ;-)