So was reading all my stuff from the past. MrPM is back in pastorate and happy. I’m working and doing my thing. Got my theology degree finished after 10 years!

Irony

Yesterday
my car
had its tires
changed. Winter off,
summer on.
Today
It
Snowed.

Daffodils.

Green fingers
Reaching up
To the sky
Encircling
Yellow spear.
Breaking through
The snow white
Covering
On the ground.

Like I said, I'm new to this. What do you call a poem with 3 syllables to a line?

poem

MrPM has been writing poetry for a while now, and his stuff is pretty good. He can do the whole rhyme and meter thing, which I can't.
Today's suggested topic is having tea with Miss Marple (or anybody you want). For me there was only one choice...

I can't believe he came.
True, he brought the rest of the gang,
But that goes with the territory.

I had plenty of mugs
Although the kettle was on overtime.
All duly watered
(or rather, caffeinated),
We sat and chatted.

Well, they chatted.
I mostly listened.
Stories of a distant land,
New and unfamiliar,
Yet peopled with familiar faces.
A place where time did not matter...
As it did not matter to me.

But then the grumbling
Started. First one, then another
Stomach followed suit.
I tore myself away to
Kitchen duty,
Only to remember
I had forgotten
To go shopping.

Shamefaced,
I re-entered the room,
Clutching a tuna sandwich.
"Can you do anything with this, Jesus?"

Christmas is icumen in....

Well now I know Christmas is coming, as mrPM and I spent the afternoon writing our Christmas cards. And tomorrow we'll be keeping Royal Mail in business buying enough stamps to post them...
That's the problem with moving about - we have friends all over the place!
This year was interestingly different to previous years (in which I have written all the cards) as mrPM and I combined our efforts. He wrote the cards and I addressed the envelopes as my writing is neater. It did mean that there were very few scribbled updates inside the cards, which is probably why it was alot faster than usual!

Anyway - quote of the day comes from this morning's sermon: "I thought I saw an angel once, but it was a pigeon."

halloween

I'm off to a Halloween party tonight at Guides. No idea what it will involve, as the Guides have planned and organised it all themselves. So it is with some trepidation that I go. I imagine there will be apple bobbing, and some sort of food. If they do the pancakes coated in syrup on a string, then they're not leaving until the floor is spotless!!!
Is it the thin end of the wedge? Should I be refusing to have anything to do with it? I don't think so - it's basically an excuse for a fancy dress party with a few weird traditional games thrown in for good measure.

procrastinating

I'm busy procrastinating. I should be writing an essay (title "Was Nestorius a heretic?"). I quite enjoyed doing all the research, although getting through Nestorius' Bazaar of Heracleides  took some doing - it's not at all easy to read. Anyway, as usual, I find myself in sympathy with the so-called heretic. It looks as though Nestorius fell victim to an outbreak of political machinations, disguised as theology. Which did make me wonder how many of our so-called theological differences are in fact power struggles in disguise?
But then I thought of Sunday's sermon, delivered by a visiting preacher. They obviously had quite a reformed understanding of Scripture and of God. I don't share that view, and find listening to it quite difficult. For a sermon about forgiveness and the sheer scale of God's forgiveness, it was amazingly joyless. How can you preach about forgiveness in such a way that it makes people feel bad?
But then I have to ask myself, is that a genuine theological difference, or just a power struggle in disguise?

freedom...

Well, I got a new laptop, and it didn't have all my old bookmarks on it, so I got out of the habit of blogging. But I have to blog today because MrPM has finally been told by DVLA that he's OK to drive :-)))))) He was very excited...

mrPM update

MrPM is home and back to normal. We both feel extra-ordinarily blessed that this has been the outcome. The possibility of less favourable outcomes was something we were both very aware of. So was he lucky? Or was it prayer? Or was it both at once?
I really don't understand how prayer works - I'm too aware of the times when it appears not to work.
So it's difficult knowing how to describe my feelings about our situation. Lucky? Fortunate? Blessed? Something alomg those lines, anyway...

mrPM

mrPM is currently in hospital, having had a subarachnoid haemorrhage (bleed into the brain). He's had the offending bit operated on successfully. He seems to be his normal self - when asked if everything was working OK, he replied "Well, I've not had a chance to test EVERYTHING yet.."
Seriously - arms and legs and speech all OK and memory and intellect seem fully intact too.
He's not out of the woods yet, though, it seems they can run in to problems at around a week after the event, so he'll be in hospital for another 10 days at least.
Everyone has been so kind, and knowing people are praying for us is helping alot.

work whinge

Not posted for ages, mostly due to being somewhat depressed. There's been a serious outbreak of politics at work at managerial level, and unfortunately I am caught right in the middle of it. All the local people involved think I'm making a fuss over nothing and should just shut my mouth and get on with it (even though this means completely changing my work patterns to jump through the latest hoops). People at a national level have said it's a load of rubbish, and told me not to worry. Meanwhile I don't know who to believe, but am left having to jump through the hoops, otherwise I will not be allowed to work at all.
And now I've been shafted by yet another person at work, so am feeling very alone. I just wish someone was on my side.

martha

We had the reading about Martha and Mary today. I drifted off into my own little thought bubble...
Martha was probably the older sister, and as the oldest female in the household, the responsibility for caring for others would have largely fallen to her. This still happens today.
It struck me for the first time there is a surprising contradiction between Martha the practical, the organized and the Martha who has to spend all her time getting the food ready while guests are present. Surely if she'd planned to invite Jesus, she'd have had something prepared? So her invitation was probably a spur of the moment thing. I wonder if the conversation went something like this:
M: So, Jesus, would you like to come back to our house and have a bite to eat?
J: That's very kind of you. We'd all love to come...
M (thinks): aaargh! I thought I was just inviting Jesus! It's too embarrassing to try to explain. I'll just have to do the best I can. But what on earth can I give them? I've got an extra 12 mouths to feed and it's not as if I can just nip out to the supermarket or get a takeaway...

off God...

Not posted for a while, partially due to other things (being busy and then a week's holiday), but mostly because I'm having an "off God" spell.
During such spells I still talk to God, but it goes under the classification of 'muttering at God' (MAG for short) rather than prayer. The whole point of MaGs is to allow me to delude myself into thinking I'm still communicating with God, while simultaneously ignoring Him.
You mean you've never heard one of those conversations where both people take it in turns to talk, but neither actually listens to what the other is saying? Although, presumably God still listens to my drivel...
Why am I off God? Partly it's just the way I am - I tend to go through cycles of being very intense and then not being particularly bothered. And, partly, I suspect, because I'm working on my current module: the Pentateuch. It has to be said that on just reading it all straight through, God really does not come out of it very well. I think 'genocidal megalomaniac' was the phrase MrPM used... There are bits where God does appear to be a kid having a tantrum who is going to take his ball home if he doesn't get his way ;-)

So what do I do about it? Being aware of it is a start. I'm arranging to meet up with a friend to pray (a proper pray involving vulnerability and listening to God) - not that I want to, but I know I need to. Said friend knows me well enough to hold me to account and not let me get away with stuff. And then, I go and read some fiction to get back to focussing on Jesus - probably the Penelope Wilcock 'The Hawk and the Dove' trilogy. Or the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Both still makes me cry, despite having read them loads of times.

Very random

Church this morning got me thinking. It was a slightly strange mix of carols (for which I was responsible - after all, I was playing the piano, so I got to choose the music!) and the great commandment: to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your mind, all your soul and all your strength, and your neighbour as yourself.
A strange juxtaposition took place. 'If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb' gave me an image of a cute, freshly washed and blow-dried (hence extremely white and fluffy) lamb being presented to Jesus. But what if the only lamb available were lame, one-eyed and rather bedraggled? Would you still give a lamb? Or would you keep away, knowing what a pathetic specimen it was? Would you go empty-handed? Or frantically try to find something else to take instead?*
But we weren't talking about giving lambs. We were talking about love. About heart, soul, mind and strength. Somehow I had an equivalent of the whiter-than-white fluffy lamb in my mind. A pure heart, an unfettered soul, a mind fixed on God and strength which endures. Except I don't have that. I have a heart which has been scarred, a soul which is tattered, a mind which remembers the times it seems God has let me down, and strength which has almost disappeared. So do I give my lame, one-eyed, bedraggled lamb as a present? Or do I stay away, ashamed of what I have to give? At the minute I seem to be hunting around so I can take the equivalent of an unwanted knitted jumper that was the wrong size for me so never worn, but it looks nice so I can pretend there was some thought behind it...


* this may be a female instinct to not turn up empty-handed (it certainly seems to be in our house)

another favourite carol

Another carol I like, that I don't hear very often

sand art

This was part of our candlelight service tonight.

knight in shining armour

Earlier in the week I was due to go to the Pantomime with the Guides and other Leaders. They'd organised hire of 2 minibuses to transport us all there and back. I was first to arrive at the meeting point. No sign of any minibuses waiting for us - they are usually outside ready for pick-up. I started to wonder if I was in the right place. Then another Guider arrived, so I felt a bit better... until she said 'Where are the minibuses?'
Off she went to get the keys, only to come back saying we only had one minibus (which was hiding round the back) as the other had an electrical fault. PANIC! How were we going to get the other 14 Guides to the panto? I had my car, another Guider had her car, a parent who was going was happy to take some girls, but that still left us a few spaces short. A quick phone call to mrPM and he agreed to be our knight in shining armour and take the remaining Guides.
He did get to see the panto (first he's been to in years) so there was some recompense for missing his tea (although I did give him a choccy biscuit at the interval).
Another step in my masterplan of turning mrPM into an honorary Guider ;-)

What a good idea...

Yesterday we had a party. Not a Christmas party, just a 'get to know the neighbours' sort of get-together. We had the added incentive of MrPM's home-baking* to encourage people to come.
At 2.15 MrPM was worried. "What if no-one comes? We'll never eat all this ourselves," he said. ("I'm sure I could have a good try" I thought...)
By 3pm we had 10 adults and 6 kids plus mrPM and me, all tucking in to baking and conversation.
"What a good idea" people said, especially those who'd just moved in to the new houses across the road.
"What a good idea" people said as we found out who lived 2 doors away.
And the doors between our sitting room and kitchen got alot of comment too.
"What a good idea" said the people in our row, whose houses are either identical to ours or the mirror-image of ours. They'd all liked this feature in the show-home, but the builders had decided to take it out when they built our row of houses. It seems mrPM and I were the only ones who had asked if it were possible to get such a door put in when they were building the house. It cost us a bit extra, but we wanted the circulating space.
"What a good idea," mrPM thought after everyone had gone, and all the toys had been tidied up (apart from one piece of Jenga which remains missing...), "we've got the neighbours talking to each other."
"What a good idea," I thought, looking at all the baking still to be eaten... ;-)

* lemon dribble cake, cider honey cake, orange biscuits, brownies, lemon slices and chocolate almond macaroons

carols

MrPM thinks only advent carols should be sung before Christmas. While I understand the sentiment, it does only leave 12 days to get all the Christmas carols in to, which isn't very long. So I'm waiting until he's not around, then playing my carol CDs to get in the mood for Christmas...

Here is one of my favourite carols - I sang it in choir when I was at school, then a group of us from our last church sang it a few years ago as a special Christmas item. It still gives me goosebumps.

Bethlehem Down

new songs for old

I've just realised I'm getting old.
I've just received my copy of Songs of Fellowship 5 (music version) and was looking through it. The first thing that struck me is how many of the songs are actually old (and still fairly well-known hymns) which have been 'tweaked' ever so slightly. It appears that by adding an extra line or two, you can then re-copyright the song and get royalties for it.
So I found myself muttering that the old tunes were fine and didn't need anyone mucking around with them.
This is actually rather hypocritical as I occasionally come up with new versions of tunes for well-known hymns myself ;-)

However, when I got to 'Immortal invisible, God only wise' I spluttered to a halt. Why?
Because the first verse goes:
Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inacessible hid from our eyes.
Most blessed, most glorious, the ancient of days,
Almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.

But the chorus that's been added basically says 'there is none like you, Jesus'

Jesus immortal? Well, that has to be a yes and no.
Invisible? Hidden? Inacessible?

Like I said, I'm getting old and nitpicky