more chocolate

Having eventually got to the stage of thinking I was getting somewhere with dealing with all the mess that's happened, we got a letter from one of the higher-up-ones who was directly involved in it all. And all the anger came flooding back...
Well, actually, not ALL of it, just alot of it. Mr pastasmissus said I was reading said letter with my very negative filter firmly in place, which is probably true. And he asked me what I was going to do with my anger.
My answer of cry, eat chocolate and wait for a bit and then somehow take it before God didn't seem to go down terribly well. I did point out that at least I was directing it outward, which is a definite improvement on turning it into thoughts of self-harm (don't worry,I don't actually self-harm, just think about it).
Taking it before God is going to be a challenge. I don't WANT to forgive. I want to carry on being angry, because then I can feel self-righteous. How come I think forgiveness is a great idea when it's me on the receiving end, but not if I'm not? And that's not just about me forgiving someone, it also applies to God forgiving them too. Am I really vindictive enough to want God to not forgive them? In which case, am I forgiveable? (A particularly pointed thought of "forgive us our trespasses, AS we forgive those who trespass against us" comes to mind.)
I'll get there in the end. In the meantime, it's done me good to get some of it out. And now I'm off to overcome some Gates of Hell :-)