God and jealousy

It always struck me as a bit odd that God was described as a jealous God. Doesn't that smack of insecurity? What could God possibly have to be jealous about?
Somewhere in the back of my head, there's the concept that there is only one God, and he goes by many different names. It's the classic all roads lead to the top of the mountain. So whatever name you call him, it's the same reality.
Except the Bible assumes the existence of other gods. Why else does God warn against having no other gods before Him if they don't exist? (Note, this doesn't have to mean they are as powerful).

But what Jarred said about some Pagans being eclectic got me thinking. Do Pagans believe in their gods as separate entities, or as human constructs? And if they are independent entities, then are they happy to share a believer with another god?
Suddenly the idea of God not being prepared to share believers with another god makes more sense to me.

church - helpful or harmful?

So I am trying to settle in to a new church. It's not easy. The people seem nice (but so did the people in our last church, and it turned out to be a veneer for public consumption only with some of them). Our musical gifts are in demand, and I can be as involved as I want. So what's the problem?
Quite simply, the theology: There are 2 types of people. If you're a Christian, then you're saved and will go to heaven when you die. If you're not, then you go to hell.
I know this is orthodox theology. But I have problems with (1) a one-off decision being the be-all-and-end-all (2) 'saved' meaning rescued from the penalty of sin which God himself had ordained (3) 'heaven' being somewhere where you go when you die.
I have problems with these issues anyway, as my understanding is that Jesus calls me to follow him, to be transformed into his likeness, to share his path of suffering and to work with him in establishing the kingdom of heaven here and now. All of which is an ongoing process.

But at present, it's not just an intellectual problem, it's an emotional one too. Because of the events that led to me becoming the missus of an ex-pastor and because I have depression, it is very easy for me to start seeing God (the Father) as someone who is judgemental, vengeful and sadistic. So having God presented as a judge who demands death for everyone (for breaking a rule that He set up in the first place, KNOWING it would not be kept) really does not help. Oh yes, I forgot the bit that says 'but because he loves you so much he provided a way out, but unless you do it exactly right you'll fail'. Well, thanks! Why set up such a stupid system in the first place?
Telling me about a judgemental God and a forensic explanation of the atonement really does not help me. Tell me about a God who is passionate about the world he created, to the extent that he keeps it going even while it is in rebellion against him, and actually becomes a part of that world; a God who loves, makes himself vulnerable, humbles himself, and gives all of himself to his creation and I might start wanting to know Him again.

And if I left the service feeling like that, I wonder what the people who don't normally go to church but who had come especially for a family event made of it...

avoiding God

I'm busy avoiding God at present. It's not been that difficult with Guide camp occupying so much time and attention (and then the aftermath of recovering!). I thought I was just doing my usual thing of being busy and waving at God in passing, so to speak.
The trouble is, I don't avoid God completely. That would be too obvious. I talk to him a bit, general chat about what I'm up to, or what's bothering me, or that I'm too tired/busy to talk properly. Then if people ask me how things are going with God, I can tell them I'm still talking to him every day... Actually, it's more of a talking AT him...
And those who really know me know that the issue is not if I am talking to God, but if I am listening to him. Whether I am giving him a chance to get a word in edgeways and possibly disturb my life by telling me something I didn't want to hear.
But at present I don't think I want to give God a chance. Particularly as the last time I prayed like that I was shocked to find that I was blaming God for the way things have turned out, and for giving me false hope when he knew all along what would happen.
If, by definition, what God does is right, then my job is simply to accept that fact. At present, I can't. Oh, I still believe God can use this for good. But how do you go on trusting when you feel you've been let down? And how do you do it knowing that technically you haven't been let down, and therefore there is nothing for the other to apologise for?