hmmm

So having been whinging about some of the problems of being a pastor's wife, I now have a new set of problems, as I am now an ex-pastor's wife. It's amazing how suddenly you become persona non grata.
So now we start looking for somewhere to live, somewhere to worship, trying to work out what on earth happens next.
Unfortunately it's not as simple as hubby simply moving on to another church. He now joins the ranks of the unemployed.

Oh well, off for a holiday tomorrow (booked ages ago). It will be good to be physically somewhere different.

And every time I start feeling sorry for myself, I try to remember that there are people DYING for their faith across the world.

confused...

Things keep seeming very black.
I try to hold on to God.
Then they get worse.
At which point I give up.
Then God does something.
So a glimmer of hope returns (along with the guilt for doubting).
Then something else happens, and the darkness returns, even stronger.


Right now I have no idea what is going on. I can only hope God keeps a firm hold of us despite everything.

rug-less

The rug has been pulled out from under us.
We have no choice.
We can't disagree, because that would show insufficient humility and therefore prove we're not fit to be in ministry.

Looks like I got my wish of not having to go to church ever again. I should have remembered "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true"

that was just a temporary blip....

This is probably going to be the worst Easter I have experienced.
Church mess continues. One of the leaders seems to be deliberately setting hubby up to fail, and then taking great delight in pointing out all his faults in such a way that he takes the rap.
I have to be at services tonight and Sunday morning as I am the pianist.
Another Saturday church prayer meeting at 9am (9am!!! and hubby's day off!!!) to pray about the future of the church. Not much in the way of listening to God has happened so far at any of these.
Oh, and we have just been informed about a meeting with various other people next week. Do not understand the purpose of the meeting (certainly not from the composition of people involved)or why it is happening. Suffice it to say that we have been told not to discuss it with anyone, and our future here looks extremely uncertain.

And in all of this, who gives us any support? We are both on antidepressants, both having counselling (but the counsellors are off on holiday for the next 2 weeks) and have been told not to talk about it to anyone.

I really really wish I didn't follow a God who got crucified and then told me to follow him.
I wish I wasn't the pastor's wife and could just leave and never go near a church again.