job

At present I'm supposed to be writing a 1000 word exegesis on Psalm 84, but have got rather bogged down in it. Having done a diploma in British Sign Language and Interpreting, I tend to get rather involved in the translation theory side of stuff, which I don't think is quite the point of exegesis. So I'm procrastinating by carrying on with the rest of the module on OT wisdom, which means I've got to Job.
I think I'd always assumed the book of Job was about 'why do bad things happen to good people?' or 'where is God when it hurts?' - which it doesn't really answer. But having read it again, it strikes me that Job is actually about the following questions:
Do I only worship God for what I get out of it?
How deep does my faith actually go? Will I still worship God when everything falls apart?

Thinking about what we've been through and my reaction makes me wonder. I'm not sure that worship is necessarily the right word for my response, and I certainly did not accept the situation gladly. However, my conviction that God is God and I'm not persists. And I have discovered an inner core of steel in my determination to do what I believe He wants regardless of the cost to myself. Because if my faith means anything, it has to mean everything.

not me

For the past 2-3 weeks I've been keeping people at arms' length. A friend said that "I've not been me". Whereas I think I have been me, it's just I've been the part of me that I don't like and usually sit on rather hard. I know that inside me is a rather obnoxious part, that says things better left unsaid, upsets people very easily and doesn't really care. I normally manage not to let that part of me out, but I know it's there.
Recently I've just not had the energy to squash it. Consequently I've been avoiding people - I've found it's better to do that than to end up saying things which will cause upset and devastation (both to them and to me when I get back to normal).
But today I seem to be back to 'normal' - or at least what passes for normal with me - mrpastasmissus will be very relieved!