Friday 21 May 2010

Why do I still follow Jesus?

So why do I still follow Jesus, if it makes my life more difficult?
There are alot of different reasons.
The main one is the same reason I started following Jesus in the first place: I couldn't come up with a convincing alternative to the resurrection. So if Jesus rose from the dead, then I had to take the rest of what he said seriously too. That meant believing in God (which I didn't want to....) and recognising that Jesus says to people "Come and follow me". Which I chose to do about 25 years ago.
Since then I've fallen in love with Jesus, hated God, been scared by God, ignored God completely, resented God, argued with God, and tried to break up with him (I couldn't).

For me, it really does all come down to Jesus. How could God love me (when I was hating him) enough to leave his nice cushy number in heaven and become a baby? I mean, why not come as an adult? - at least you would have bowel control... And then living a life where your friends don't understand you, the people who should help undermine you, and in the end a friend betrays you and dying horribly alone... And all the time, having the power to stop it from happening.
I think that is the most awesome bit - that Jesus had the power to stop it, but chose not to.
I can't turn my back on that - it calls to something deep within me.
So there's an element of 'if Jesus loves me enough to do that, then I love him back' - not as an obligation, but as an emotional reality.

In terms of following Jesus making life easy - oddly enough, I don't ever see Jesus saying that in the Bible. He actually tells people to be prepared to give up everything for him, and if they're not prepared to do that then not to bother. (Luke 9:57-62 Luke 14:25-33 Luke 18:18-29). He also tells them to expect trouble because of their faith (John 15:18-16:4) and not to be surprised when it happens. To me that sounds rather different to "come to Jesus and all your problems will be over".

2 comments:

  1. This is a brilliant piece of writing - thanks for sharing your testimony like this.

    Especially moving having read all your recent experiences.

    Love and prayers xx

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  2. lost in the crowd26 May 2010 at 03:40

    Thank you for your honesty and answering my question so clearly! It is so refreshing to have someone say that following Jesus is no easy business that requires dedication and heartache. Please keep posting, you sound like someone with their head screwed on and tuned in to Jesus. I'm curious about you not wanting to believe in God but happy with Jesus... but I think I already asked you enough personal questions!

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