I've spent the last week going round in circles. Or rather, going part-way round one circle and ending back up where I was. Rather disheartening. All the anger, bitterness and cynicism have been back with a vengeance. And I know it's part of grieving, and I know it's normal, and I know it takes time. But I don't like it. I don't like myself when I'm like this. I end up focussing on how bad I feel, how I feel I've been wronged, and ultimately blame God for allowing it to happen. All of which is stupid, destructive and pointless.
Right now, trying to follow Jesus is hard. I don't particularly want to pick up this cross of accepting these feelings and yet choosing to forgive. I'd much rather sit down on the ground and kick my heels and scream 'It's not fair' in best 2-year-old tantrum style. Except I've done that before. I thought I'd learned from it, and grown up a bit. Maybe the fact I'm posting this is a sign that I have...
Let It Go...
22 hours ago
Don't be too hard on yourself. 2 Cor 12 - even Paul struggled repeatedly with the thorns.
ReplyDeleteEach time you wrestle, you become stronger.
You both remain in my thoughts and prayers xx