chocolate theology 2

I used to go to a church where the pastor's favourite verse was "The Lord delights in fatness".
I still remember him preaching a sermon about God's love, and one of his illustrations involved Kit-Kats. He described in great detail the process of unwrapping it, snapping it and biting into it - only to discover it was SOLID CHOCOLATE. There had been a 'happy accident' and somehow the biscuit had not made it into the Kit-Kat. And God's love was solid all the way through, but unlike the Kit-kat, it wasn't a happy accident, it was meant to be like that....

Just another random thought as to why God is like chocolate - I think it was T S Elliot who said that mankind could not bear too much reality. We can't cope with too much exposure to God - much prefer the watered down version as being more palatable. Me, I like the British chocolate that the Europeans don't think is chocolatey enough to count as 'chocolate'. I once made the mistake of getting some 90% chocolate and put 4 pieces in my mouth at once (yes, this is the way I usually eat chocolate!). I couldn't speak for quite some time, and suddenly understood why chocolate was seen as a dangerous stimulant when it first appeared. It was rather different to what I thought chocolate was.....

chocolate theology

Sorry to anyone waiting for the actual theology I read on holiday - this is a digression. Yesterday was not a particularly good day for me. It is extremely strange being in a church where I don't know anyone and have nothing to do, and the preacher isn't my husband. It WAS nice having him sitting next to me and passing tissues over at appropriate intervals...
So I spent the evening cheering myself up by overcoming the gates of hell. For the uninitiated, this means eating Toblerone chocolate...
This stems from a remark I made at a Bible study about how I had been very confused by an ikon I'd seen in Greek Orthodox churches in which Jesus seemed to be standing on two Toblerone bars. It took me a while to realise the two yellow things near the base of the ikon are actually the gates of hell!

I hope that might encourage some of you to do the same ;-)

a sense of place

Having been in a church which has not had a building for 20 years, the idea of place being important is not particularly familiar. But being away from here and physically in a different place has helped alot. Somehow I now have a bit of distance from the things that have happened, and the overwhelming engulfing pain has settled into something much more manageable. That's not to say I'm happy about what happened. I'm not, and I'm still working out what (if anything) to do about it. I still get upset at times, but at least I'm now functional and even managed OK back at work.
I also got chance to read some theology while away - yes, I do read theology for fun! - mr pastasmissus used to get quite annoyed by me 'borrowing' his books when he was at college - but more of that next time.

hmmm

So having been whinging about some of the problems of being a pastor's wife, I now have a new set of problems, as I am now an ex-pastor's wife. It's amazing how suddenly you become persona non grata.
So now we start looking for somewhere to live, somewhere to worship, trying to work out what on earth happens next.
Unfortunately it's not as simple as hubby simply moving on to another church. He now joins the ranks of the unemployed.

Oh well, off for a holiday tomorrow (booked ages ago). It will be good to be physically somewhere different.

And every time I start feeling sorry for myself, I try to remember that there are people DYING for their faith across the world.

confused...

Things keep seeming very black.
I try to hold on to God.
Then they get worse.
At which point I give up.
Then God does something.
So a glimmer of hope returns (along with the guilt for doubting).
Then something else happens, and the darkness returns, even stronger.


Right now I have no idea what is going on. I can only hope God keeps a firm hold of us despite everything.

rug-less

The rug has been pulled out from under us.
We have no choice.
We can't disagree, because that would show insufficient humility and therefore prove we're not fit to be in ministry.

Looks like I got my wish of not having to go to church ever again. I should have remembered "Be careful what you wish for, it might come true"

that was just a temporary blip....

This is probably going to be the worst Easter I have experienced.
Church mess continues. One of the leaders seems to be deliberately setting hubby up to fail, and then taking great delight in pointing out all his faults in such a way that he takes the rap.
I have to be at services tonight and Sunday morning as I am the pianist.
Another Saturday church prayer meeting at 9am (9am!!! and hubby's day off!!!) to pray about the future of the church. Not much in the way of listening to God has happened so far at any of these.
Oh, and we have just been informed about a meeting with various other people next week. Do not understand the purpose of the meeting (certainly not from the composition of people involved)or why it is happening. Suffice it to say that we have been told not to discuss it with anyone, and our future here looks extremely uncertain.

And in all of this, who gives us any support? We are both on antidepressants, both having counselling (but the counsellors are off on holiday for the next 2 weeks) and have been told not to talk about it to anyone.

I really really wish I didn't follow a God who got crucified and then told me to follow him.
I wish I wasn't the pastor's wife and could just leave and never go near a church again.